Families are complicated. Even the ones that seem the happiest on the outside can be very messy when you dig into them. Add divorce into the mix and with it comes additional turmoil and divided opinions.
Making the decision to divorce can feel like throwing the pieces of your family life up into the air and having no idea where or how they’re going to land. It affects everyone around you and tensions can run high, especially when there are children involved. A lot of parents struggle to come to terms with leaving, believing that trying to patch up a broken marriage is kinder on the children than the dreaded broken home.
However, working towards a positive divorce may actually be kinder on your children's well-being than staying in a broken marriage. It will definitely be better for your own health and sanity, too, which in turn will impact the children in a positive way.
Children Are Aware When their Parents Are in a Broken Marriage
The environment in which a child is raised is incredibly important to their development. They need calm, nurturing places to grow. Children are exceptionally tuned in to everything that’s going on around them. So when a household is full of tension, your children are likely to pick up on it. No matter how good a job you think you’re doing of hiding the conflict or your own feelings. When parents keep things to themselves, it teaches children to internalise their own feelings. Which can lead to a whole host of psychological issues, such as depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. Prolonged exposure to a broken marriage can shape the way they view the world and impact their future relationships and friendships.
No matter how counterintuitive it may feel, a broken home may offer more reprieve than being around a broken marriage for your children. Naturally, a breakdown in your relationship will need some adjustment, and there may be some growing pains. However, it can be a fantastic teaching moment for you and the kids. You will learn to find your way through life on your own terms and this shows children that they are just as valid on their own as they are in a partnership. It’s also a good opportunity to demonstrate conflict resolution. Through open communication and mutual respect, your children will be able to see that you are prioritising their well-being by encouraging a supportive co-parenting relationship. Ultimately, this can lead to each home becoming a stable, healthy environment in which they can heal from any residual trauma from the contention of a broken marriage and subsequent breakup.
Important Life Lessons Over Bad Relationship Habits
Deciding to end a broken marriage can show children the importance of resilience and self-care. They will observe you and your ex-partner navigating the challenges of divorce, and watch you thrive in post-divorce life. The thought of a broken home may make you feel like things can never be fixed, but every time you handle a challenge head on, you are teaching your children how to adapt and persevere. Valuable life skills that they can take into adulthood.
Divorce, with all its negative connotations and pain points, can be a healthy outlet for expression. Teaching your children that they are entitled to their own emotions and thoughts can give them a healthier approach to relationships in later life. Understanding that sometimes marriages break down but that something positive can come out of it all is important too. If they marry in the future and their own marriage breaks down, they will have had an example of how divorce can be a positive thing. Rather than feel shame, they will have the tools they need to approach their own broken marriage with a constructive outlook.
Research suggests that children flourish when exposed to positive parental interactions, whether that’s two parents together, or independently. Fostering a co-operative co-parenting dynamic, parents going through a divorce can mitigate the adverse effects that the breakup may have on their children. Ultimately, this provides a sense of stability and security during a time of flux.
It's Good to Talk
When dealing with a broken marriage, it’s essential to understand that children are not passive bystanders in the divorce process. They are a part of that process; their voices should be heard and their feelings validated. Offering child-appropriate explanations about the divorce and encouraging open and honest dialogue can empower them to say what’s on their minds. Whether that’s negative or positive, it’s an opportunity to show them that openness is key to healthy relationships. It can help with the transition if they feel that they are being heard and give them the confidence to speak up in other situations.
The best approach to divorce is one that considers the impact on the whole family and takes into consideration everyone’s wellbeing. Especially when it comes to the children.
While the prospect of divorce may stir up feelings of worry of guilt, it’s important to remember that staying in a broken marriage is not the best way to safeguard your children’s mental health.
We Can Help You with You with Your Divorce
If you are thinking about divorcing and need advice, we are here to support and guide you through the process. Get in touch with us today. We are always happy to help.
Contact us on 0113 320 5000, or email family@winstonsolicitors.co.uk to discuss whether divorce is the next step for you, and how to get the ball rolling.
