We have all, unfortunately, become accustomed to hearing about financial abuse, coercive and controlling abuse and more recently narcissistic abuse. These are examples of abuse we would usually see in adult relationships.
What is narcissistic abuse?
The focus here is on narcissistic abuse where children are involved and how easy is, or hard it is to co-parent with someone who has narcissistic traits or has been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Where narcissism is on the increase so is the difficulty in trying to reach parental agreements both in and out of court with a parent who has narcissistic traits or NPD.
Narcissists are known for wanting to be in control, they like to have the final say and want to be the decision maker; this makes it extremely difficult to try and negotiate arrangements where children are concerned. In some cases, the narcissist can lose focus of the children in his/her attempt to “win” against the other parent.
What the narcissist may do:
- They may try and turn the children against the other parent by revealing private information that the children should not be privy to.
- They may also try parent alienation, portraying the other parent as a “bad” person suggesting that he/she broke the family up.
- They may devalue the other parent to the children portraying them as “stupid” or “crazy”.
- They may up the ante on being the “good” and “fun” parent who sets no boundaries leaving the other parent to be cast as the “bad” parent who sets boundaries and rules that the children must comply with.
What you should do when trying to reach an agreement:
- Keep your emotions to yourself! Narcissists try and evoke a response particularly a negative one – do not give it to them and stay calm!
- Whilst you may face negativity from the narcissist through the children, do not respond negatively this is what the narcissist wants.
- Be realistic they are not going to change so set clear boundaries.
- Don’t let the narcissists treatment of you forget the best interest of the children.
- Stay away from social media, do not post any of your issues as the narcissistic parent will use this against you.
Successful Co-Parenting
Co-parenting requires cooperation, flexibility and understanding, both parents need to work together. Someone with narcissistic traits or NPD has a sense of superiority, lack of empathy and heavily focused on their own needs above everything else – even their children.
Co-parenting with someone with such traits or NPD is a huge challenge, if not impossible and trying to co-parent can be a continuation of the abuse suffered during your relationship.
Our Family and Divorce Law solicitors based in Leeds have extensive experience in dealing with cases involving partners with narcissistic traits and behaviours and can help you try and reach a parental agreement and help you navigate the court process whilst dealing with the mindset of those that exhibit narcissistic behaviour.
